Why Resilience?
When you think about life’s challenges, do you think of them as opportunities or setbacks? Do you find joy in the challenges or dread in the work? Do you view challenges as exciting and invigorating opportunities for growth, or does just the thought of them exhaust you?
Resilience is defined as “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness”.
Resilience is something that you can cultivate within yourself over time, through trials, and it’s something that you can believe about yourself. Looking back at all those challenges that you faced as a child and now as an adult that you have overcome, at first they may have felt daunting, and maybe you didn’t know how you were going to make it through, or what the other side would look like, but you persisted and now here you are! Thinking about those challenges now, they probably don’t feel as daunting as they did when they were first in front of you, because you made it. With this knowledge, you are able to look at future challenges knowing that you will make it through. You are more courageous than you previously thought!
This is resilience.
Resilience and Fear
Often, when you look at the challenges ahead of you and feel dread or exhaustion before you even meet them, one major emotion is coming forth - fear.
You’re afraid of failing, you’re afraid of the change(s) that the challenge will bring and, without the crystal ball we all wish we had, the fear of the unknown becomes a reality.
This fear can be debilitating - the voice inside your head stops you from even trying before you meet a challenge because you’ve already talked yourself out of the possibility of being successful.
The fear of failure is a huge motivator. It stems from Kindergarten when we finally entered the world of “fitting in” and being wrong. For example, wearing your favourite sweater to school and getting teased because it wasn’t in style. Or maybe you tried colouring the sky purple only to be told that the sky is blue? You may have also experienced making friends and receiving grades based on how well you could fit in, and how “right” you were.
In the grownup life, you now have the freedom to view failure as an opportunity to learn. The famous quote by Thomas Edison when he was inventing the lightbulb comes to mind - “I have not failed 10,000 times, I have not failed once instead I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.”
We, as a society, are so afraid of failing that it stops us from even trying! Imagine if you thought that way as a child learning to walk, talk, or read, where would you be today? In every attempt that you make at something, there is something to be learned. A lesson to carry with you to the next challenge. For example, you learn not to ask the advice of a certain co-worker because it didn’t go well last time. You know that you should pay your bills on time because it avoids late fees.
It’s time to start bringing this mindset to the challenges in front of you. Using challenges as opportunities to learn and grow is a more exciting way to go about life rather than dread and fear.
Flipping the Script
Maybe resilience is a word that you have heard and it makes you cringe. Perhaps your thoughts are “ I don’t want to have to be strong, I don’t want to have to be resilient, I’m tired.
Are you ready for the hard truth? You aren’t tired because of the challenges, you’re tired because of your mindset. Cultivating resilience is like cultivating a healthy immune system - you’re still going to be exposed to the same germs/illnesses, but it’s not going to set you back the same way.
As you are probably already aware, mindset is everything. You can look at the task in front of you at work and dread having to get it done, or you can be thankful that you have a job, and that you have an opportunity to use the skills that you’ve worked so hard to nurture. You can look at the sink full of dishes and become upset by the duty in front of you, or be grateful that you have a house to look after, and realize that dirty dishes means that there was food on the table, and that you will feel so much better about your home when the kitchen is clean.
The same applies to the challenges that you face. Challenges are just a part of life - as much as breathing, eating, and sleeping.
So, what mindset are you going to bring to your next challenge?
Strengthening and Cultivating Resilience
Cultivating resilience is a process - much like any other area of life. You will have to train yourself in the same way an athlete trains muscles, or a doctor trains procedures.
Our natural tendency is to lean towards the negative - it’s easier to complain and receive compassion than it is to take the steps towards change. Don’t get me wrong - there is nothing wrong with having a friend to listen, or a mentor to offer advice - but the danger then becomes getting stuck in that mindset. The comfort that you receive from the compassionate listener becomes compelling. It feels good. It feels good to feel bad. So the focus on the negative grows so that we have more to commiserate about.
So then, how do you reverse that?
Have you ever noticed that when you’re car shopping, you start to notice the specific type of car that you’re looking for a lot more than you did before? Suddenly, you’re seeing them everywhere, when once before they weren’t as prevalent in your mind.
Cultivating a positive mindset to foster resilience is much the same. When you open your mind to gratitude and all the positive things in your life, you will start to notice more of them. And with that, comes the ability to reframe any challenges that might arise. The challenge or situation goes from being a burden to being an opportunity.
There are some very simple and beautiful practices that you can utilize to cultivate a positive mindset. Things like practicing presence, journaling, using movement to move stuck emotions or thoughts through the body, cultivating a like-minded support system, and eating healthy foods are just a few of the ways that you can support yourself in this journey. This is self-care. The type of self-care that not only sustains, but nourishes the body and the soul through times when you might normally feel depleted or tired.
Finally, Resilience as a Friend
Once you start viewing resilience in a positive light, and thereby becoming more resilient, you will start to notice the beautiful by-products of healthy resilience in your life.
One major outcome will be reduced stress and anxiety. When you bring a “can do” attitude to the challenges that are in front of you, the worry that usually accompanies them seems to dissipate. You no longer fear failure, you are no longer afraid of what’s on the other side, and that voice that seemed at one point to play on repeat telling you that you couldn’t do it is gone! All of the what-ifs and negatives stop cycling when you tell yourself that you’ve done this before and you can do it again.
The empowerment that comes with that attitude is life-changing. Can you feel it?
When your mind isn’t so occupied with fear, you will notice that your self-talk and self-image are so much healthier. You no longer talk down to yourself when faced with challenges - the confidence and courage that you have cultivated are inherently yours, and you’ll find that you’re better able to regulate your emotions.
All of this is entirely possible for you! And it doesn’t start tomorrow, it starts today, right now. Small steps. You cannot expect to be a completely different person because you read this post - there is work to do. But, if you only change 1% each day, by the end of the year you will be a completely different person.
Start to brainstorm some action steps that you want to take in order to capture this energy, this excitement!
And, as always, know that if you are struggling with any of these things, I am here for you. Let’s connect and talk about how we can make this a reality for you.
Deb
